"By their fruit you will recognize them."
It is very important that you read the posts in numerical order.
Scripture quotations are from 1984 NIV of The Holy Bible unless otherwise noted.
The RefTagger Tool uses the NKJV of The Holy Bible for Scripture Quotations.
Matthew 7:15 "Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. (16) By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? (17) Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. (18) A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. (19) Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. (20) Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them."
More About Me
Seeds of Invalidation
From "Nasty People" by Jay Carter pg. 9: "Invalidation is a general term that I use in this book to describe one person injuring or trying to injure another. . . . It is usually the sneaky mental invalidations that cause the most damage." (pg. 10) "The sneaky invalidation works because a punch in the nose is obvious and can be returned to the insulting party, but the mental attack may go unnoticed and unpunished while it injures and manipulates its victim."
More About Me
Seeds of Invalidation
From "Nasty People" by Jay Carter pg. 9: "Invalidation is a general term that I use in this book to describe one person injuring or trying to injure another. . . . It is usually the sneaky mental invalidations that cause the most damage." (pg. 10) "The sneaky invalidation works because a punch in the nose is obvious and can be returned to the insulting party, but the mental attack may go unnoticed and unpunished while it injures and manipulates its victim."
My father told me that he was abandoned by his father when he was about three years old. He was barely there physically and not there spiritually for me at all. He called my younger brother and I "two of the dumbest children ever" for making mistakes while constantly serving him and he said, "I wish I never had y'all." two or three times when I was about eight years old to which I very hurtfully replied, "I didn't ask you to have me." This is one of the worst things a parent can say to a child. After suffering greatly from lung cancer for two years, he died on Christmas day in 1989. We never got along well at all because he was always lying to people and mistreating them. Nine people were at his funeral; eight were family members from my mother's side of the family; the other person was an older friend and loyal worker to him on his Sub-Contractor Construction Jobs; and my mother was the only one who cried.
As an adult, I realized that I looked up to my next older brother like a father figure for guidance during my childhood. My brother and I along with our best friend had formed the core of an extremely competitive Street Club called "The . . . Warriors." We never lost a sports competition against anyone. Being the youngest by two years, I was the least skilled and received the most punishment for bad mistakes made during a competition; like the 100 laps my brother gave me to run (around the house) when he got very frustrated with me during a game. When I immediately complained of unfairness (asking for mercy) and he doubled them. (ran 25 at a time) Our extreme competitiveness spilled over into everything including board games like Monopoly and Chess. And then one day, for some unknown reason, my brother just started to constantly put me down and reminded me all the time that he had me dominated; he could beat me in everything I could think of, including making good grades in school. This made me feel very bad because I was very sensitive, to the people that I cared a lot about, and competition became my life.
His actions came back to haunt him because I became a perfectionist with A Very Singular Focus on whatever I was trying to master. Two years later, I really enjoyed seeing his extreme frustration with not being able to beat me in anything; and I taunted him while being driven to destroy him in any competition while being two years younger; this made it even worse for him. And later on as an adult, for good measure, I trained my much younger cousin to do the same thing to him with even more taunting. I really had "mastered whooping his ass." I don't know how much I contributed--if anything--to his severe drinking problem that he developed shortly after he got kicked out of the house for refusing to submit to my parents authority. (This brother was a saint compared to the next older brother to him, who sometimes released very explosive verbal anger on me for a minor mistake--which made me feel even more ashamed for just existing (along with my father's regret); but thank God he didn't live with us.)
Like being in a house with a slow natural gas leak that you can't smell until you leave for a while and comeback, I didn't realize how bad my family life was until I married into another family. I knew it was bad though.
On a positive note, I didn't realize, until after I got married, that I was "In The Ruling Class" during my school years because "My Two Older Brothers" from The Warriors were always in the next grade level. I never had to worry about anybody messing with me at all because of them. And later on, when I transferred to another school system in my Sophomore Year where I knew no one at all, I had no trouble becoming very popular very quickly because of my "God Given Wild Sense Of Humor" and The Very High Self Confidence / Discipline that I paid A High Emotional Price for growing up under The Very Strict Authority Of "The . . . Warriors."
Impaired Judgement
Thank God for The Lord Jesus Christ dying on the cross for the above family evil and the Lord being with me. Being born again, since the age of twelve, is what kept me from going to prison by releasing the inner rage that was brewing inside me from The Severe Emotional Abuse. I actually scared myself with "The Way My Mind Thought" when I became very angry and also how strong I would become. So I quickly realized I had to control my temper and I never got into a fight, by The Grace Of God, that I am very thankful for because Lord knows I would have very easily killed someone back then. I received An Anointing (warmth felt from toward-Heaven-stretched hands down to my feet while calling on the Lord from my soul at home alone) to do a "Special Work" for the Lord when I got saved in 1990 by confessing my salvation. I had trouble accepting the reality of what God wanted me to do for Him until He Confirmed It Twice through two people; my best friend at the time was with me for The Second Conformation from a total stranger. (see Genesis 41:32 and Deuteronomy 19:15) I just realized, while writing this, why reading Genesis 6:6 for the first time inspired me so much because God's thoughts (that He spoke out loud only to Himself in Genesis 6:7) were similar to what my earthly father had actually said to me (verbal abuse) and I remember wanting to make my Heavenly Father proud of me; this was before He laid my assignment on me.
I was inspired to read the whole New King James Version of The Holy Bible twice (NKJV), The 1984 New International Version twice (1984 NIV), and the New American Standard Bible once (NASB), seeking God's will for mankind. Once I realized that all the different translations of The Holy Bible are basically "the same thing in a different form," I stopped reading different Holy Bibles after the NASB. During some year of the early 1990's, my best friend told me that I sat up in my sleep one night and said, "Three the hard way, Words Of Wisdom." very clearly, while still asleep, and then I laid back down. (I have always been a very deep sleeper who can't sleep for more than six hours at one time; I average about five hours of sleep.) I didn't understand "That Sentence" at the time, but I knew it meant something. I found out the reason why the Lord had me memorizing Scripture from index cards, which I had long since stopped doing at the time, a few years later--the hard way.
Scripture memorization is true Spiritual Communion. You can only fight Satan's Lies, that distort your reality, with God's Truths that are key to A Sound Mind.
In April of 1996 I was personally attacked by Satan (and his Demons) and was completely defeated; I temporarily lost my sanity for about 15 minutes. I'll never forget the very terrified look on my sister's face (who is 4 years older than me) when I came out my room, in the middle of the night wearing only a pair of white briefs, "looking and acting crazy while talking pure nonsense." I remember having the very strong belief that I had "Special Powers" and I hit the dining room table very hard with the palm of my hand, saying, "I can make this disappear!" and I really expected it to disappear. But when it didn't, and before I had time to think another thought, I immediately had a much stronger feeling that I could fly and I said, "I'm gonna go through that window (2nd story) and fly up out of here!!" I broke the double storm window when I failed to crash through it and I left the house by walking through the front door. I ended up walking down the street for a few minutes, in the middle of the night in my underwear, before I regained my sanity. I desperately hoped I was dreaming as I walked back home. I called to my sister and asked if she was okay upon my return and she said that she was; I had never touched her or anybody--Thank God. I didn't have a clue about what was going on with me but, from my childhood, I was very tough mentally. It didn't make sense to be Mentally Sane all of my life and then all of a sudden just "loose it like that" for 15 minutes. My family had a history of mental problems so I was really confused.
That is all I remember from my first attack. Many years later, I found out from my sister that I had grabbed my infant niece to take her with me as I tried to crash through the double storm windows. That was extremely terrible and with God as my witness, I do not remember that detail at all but I believe my sister 100%. This is very difficult to write about and I'm adding this paragraph and more details to the one below after I finished this whole blog. When you are Demon Possessed, like I was for those 15 minutes, you are not in control of your Actions / Consciousness so you might not even remember what is actually happening because you are Completely Out Of Touch With Reality. The Demons / Lying Spirits interfere with your perception of reality because they take over your mind by force when you believe their lies. I am very sure that God let me remember what I do remember about this because He has a purpose for everything He does; so I think that normally, a person would not have remembered any of this happening to them.
dodge -- (verb) to move quickly to one side in order to avoid being hit by someone or something.
neon -- (noun) a chemical element that is a gas with no smell or color, does not react with other chemicals, and shines red when an electric current goes through it. (Neon comes from the Ancient Greek word "Neos" that means "new.")
The next attack happened in December of 1997. I experienced three days of Very Manic Brain Activity that started when I totaled my car (wrecked it for a "Total Loss" declared by my insurance company) at an intersection. I had blindly pulled my 1995 Dodge Neon into oncoming traffic, while not being able to see into the nearest traffic lane (Very Impaired Judgement from Evil Spirits) because of the large vehicle in the intersection with me that was waiting to make a left turn from the opposite direction also; I caused a near head on collision. (our left headlights hit each other) The other driver and I were not hurt, air bags stink, and I got a traffic ticket for "Failure To Yield." I felt a very euphoric high those three days that ended with me leaving in the back of a police car to A Mental Hospital for a mandatory three days.
From my perception of what was going on, I remember "gently taking the phone out of my mother's hand" because "she was lying on me" to the police, but my mother later told me that "I almost broke her wrist and arm" when I took the phone from her when she called the police because I was acting very crazy. This is the demons distorting my perception of reality again which means they have the ability to make you do things against your will while also making you remember doing something else; this is Total Mental Confusion. Usually you don't remember anything because the demon or demons have taken over your consciousness. These Evil Spiritual Beings have the ability to severely interfere with you five senses which allow you to communicate with the outside world.
I started to get a clue about what was going on, as I was losing even more touch with reality, while the police were wrestling me out of my mother's house and to the ground; I had nothing memorized except "Jesus" which just slowed the attack. My vision was very blurry and my senses were very distorted. When I was in the back of the police car, in very tight handcuffs, I remember laying down on my side. I had lost consciousness for a few hours--from my point of view, and there is no telling what I was saying or doing if I was still conscious in the real world--and I remember waking up strapped to a hospital bed struggling through some Very Rigorous Mental Tests that Satan had me believing "the future of the world depended on me passing these tests"--this was extremely stressful for me and I don't know how long I endured this.
trance -- (noun)
1 : a state that is like being asleep except that you can move and respond to questions and commands like a person who is awake.
▪ The hypnotist put him in a (hypnotic) trance. ▪ The spiritual healer fell/went into a trance.His actions came back to haunt him because I became a perfectionist with A Very Singular Focus on whatever I was trying to master. Two years later, I really enjoyed seeing his extreme frustration with not being able to beat me in anything; and I taunted him while being driven to destroy him in any competition while being two years younger; this made it even worse for him. And later on as an adult, for good measure, I trained my much younger cousin to do the same thing to him with even more taunting. I really had "mastered whooping his ass." I don't know how much I contributed--if anything--to his severe drinking problem that he developed shortly after he got kicked out of the house for refusing to submit to my parents authority. (This brother was a saint compared to the next older brother to him, who sometimes released very explosive verbal anger on me for a minor mistake--which made me feel even more ashamed for just existing (along with my father's regret); but thank God he didn't live with us.)
Like being in a house with a slow natural gas leak that you can't smell until you leave for a while and comeback, I didn't realize how bad my family life was until I married into another family. I knew it was bad though.
On a positive note, I didn't realize, until after I got married, that I was "In The Ruling Class" during my school years because "My Two Older Brothers" from The Warriors were always in the next grade level. I never had to worry about anybody messing with me at all because of them. And later on, when I transferred to another school system in my Sophomore Year where I knew no one at all, I had no trouble becoming very popular very quickly because of my "God Given Wild Sense Of Humor" and The Very High Self Confidence / Discipline that I paid A High Emotional Price for growing up under The Very Strict Authority Of "The . . . Warriors."
Impaired Judgement
Thank God for The Lord Jesus Christ dying on the cross for the above family evil and the Lord being with me. Being born again, since the age of twelve, is what kept me from going to prison by releasing the inner rage that was brewing inside me from The Severe Emotional Abuse. I actually scared myself with "The Way My Mind Thought" when I became very angry and also how strong I would become. So I quickly realized I had to control my temper and I never got into a fight, by The Grace Of God, that I am very thankful for because Lord knows I would have very easily killed someone back then. I received An Anointing (warmth felt from toward-Heaven-stretched hands down to my feet while calling on the Lord from my soul at home alone) to do a "Special Work" for the Lord when I got saved in 1990 by confessing my salvation. I had trouble accepting the reality of what God wanted me to do for Him until He Confirmed It Twice through two people; my best friend at the time was with me for The Second Conformation from a total stranger. (see Genesis 41:32 and Deuteronomy 19:15) I just realized, while writing this, why reading Genesis 6:6 for the first time inspired me so much because God's thoughts (that He spoke out loud only to Himself in Genesis 6:7) were similar to what my earthly father had actually said to me (verbal abuse) and I remember wanting to make my Heavenly Father proud of me; this was before He laid my assignment on me.
I was inspired to read the whole New King James Version of The Holy Bible twice (NKJV), The 1984 New International Version twice (1984 NIV), and the New American Standard Bible once (NASB), seeking God's will for mankind. Once I realized that all the different translations of The Holy Bible are basically "the same thing in a different form," I stopped reading different Holy Bibles after the NASB. During some year of the early 1990's, my best friend told me that I sat up in my sleep one night and said, "Three the hard way, Words Of Wisdom." very clearly, while still asleep, and then I laid back down. (I have always been a very deep sleeper who can't sleep for more than six hours at one time; I average about five hours of sleep.) I didn't understand "That Sentence" at the time, but I knew it meant something. I found out the reason why the Lord had me memorizing Scripture from index cards, which I had long since stopped doing at the time, a few years later--the hard way.
Scripture memorization is true Spiritual Communion. You can only fight Satan's Lies, that distort your reality, with God's Truths that are key to A Sound Mind.
In April of 1996 I was personally attacked by Satan (and his Demons) and was completely defeated; I temporarily lost my sanity for about 15 minutes. I'll never forget the very terrified look on my sister's face (who is 4 years older than me) when I came out my room, in the middle of the night wearing only a pair of white briefs, "looking and acting crazy while talking pure nonsense." I remember having the very strong belief that I had "Special Powers" and I hit the dining room table very hard with the palm of my hand, saying, "I can make this disappear!" and I really expected it to disappear. But when it didn't, and before I had time to think another thought, I immediately had a much stronger feeling that I could fly and I said, "I'm gonna go through that window (2nd story) and fly up out of here!!" I broke the double storm window when I failed to crash through it and I left the house by walking through the front door. I ended up walking down the street for a few minutes, in the middle of the night in my underwear, before I regained my sanity. I desperately hoped I was dreaming as I walked back home. I called to my sister and asked if she was okay upon my return and she said that she was; I had never touched her or anybody--Thank God. I didn't have a clue about what was going on with me but, from my childhood, I was very tough mentally. It didn't make sense to be Mentally Sane all of my life and then all of a sudden just "loose it like that" for 15 minutes. My family had a history of mental problems so I was really confused.
That is all I remember from my first attack. Many years later, I found out from my sister that I had grabbed my infant niece to take her with me as I tried to crash through the double storm windows. That was extremely terrible and with God as my witness, I do not remember that detail at all but I believe my sister 100%. This is very difficult to write about and I'm adding this paragraph and more details to the one below after I finished this whole blog. When you are Demon Possessed, like I was for those 15 minutes, you are not in control of your Actions / Consciousness so you might not even remember what is actually happening because you are Completely Out Of Touch With Reality. The Demons / Lying Spirits interfere with your perception of reality because they take over your mind by force when you believe their lies. I am very sure that God let me remember what I do remember about this because He has a purpose for everything He does; so I think that normally, a person would not have remembered any of this happening to them.
dodge -- (verb) to move quickly to one side in order to avoid being hit by someone or something.
neon -- (noun) a chemical element that is a gas with no smell or color, does not react with other chemicals, and shines red when an electric current goes through it. (Neon comes from the Ancient Greek word "Neos" that means "new.")
The next attack happened in December of 1997. I experienced three days of Very Manic Brain Activity that started when I totaled my car (wrecked it for a "Total Loss" declared by my insurance company) at an intersection. I had blindly pulled my 1995 Dodge Neon into oncoming traffic, while not being able to see into the nearest traffic lane (Very Impaired Judgement from Evil Spirits) because of the large vehicle in the intersection with me that was waiting to make a left turn from the opposite direction also; I caused a near head on collision. (our left headlights hit each other) The other driver and I were not hurt, air bags stink, and I got a traffic ticket for "Failure To Yield." I felt a very euphoric high those three days that ended with me leaving in the back of a police car to A Mental Hospital for a mandatory three days.
From my perception of what was going on, I remember "gently taking the phone out of my mother's hand" because "she was lying on me" to the police, but my mother later told me that "I almost broke her wrist and arm" when I took the phone from her when she called the police because I was acting very crazy. This is the demons distorting my perception of reality again which means they have the ability to make you do things against your will while also making you remember doing something else; this is Total Mental Confusion. Usually you don't remember anything because the demon or demons have taken over your consciousness. These Evil Spiritual Beings have the ability to severely interfere with you five senses which allow you to communicate with the outside world.
I started to get a clue about what was going on, as I was losing even more touch with reality, while the police were wrestling me out of my mother's house and to the ground; I had nothing memorized except "Jesus" which just slowed the attack. My vision was very blurry and my senses were very distorted. When I was in the back of the police car, in very tight handcuffs, I remember laying down on my side. I had lost consciousness for a few hours--from my point of view, and there is no telling what I was saying or doing if I was still conscious in the real world--and I remember waking up strapped to a hospital bed struggling through some Very Rigorous Mental Tests that Satan had me believing "the future of the world depended on me passing these tests"--this was extremely stressful for me and I don't know how long I endured this.
trance -- (noun)
1 : a state that is like being asleep except that you can move and respond to questions and commands like a person who is awake.
2 : a state in which you are not aware of what is happening around you because you are thinking of something else.
▪ He was staring out the window in a trance.
The Mental Tests happened after the second or third time that I "remember being conscious." The first time, I remember waking up on a bed and a man wearing blue Medical Clothing/Scrubs was testing me "to see if I was in A Trance." He didn't actually say this but I coherent enough to tell what he was doing by what he said and did. I realized that what he said to me "did not make rational sense at all." He said, "I'm going to pull some urine from your penis with my fingers." and I knew that did not sound right and it should be impossible to do. And this is how I knew, even then, that I was in A Very Deep Trance from My Demonic Attack And Possession because (even though I couldn't see him doing this, I only felt it) when he put his two pinched together fingers at the tip of my penis and pulled them away from it, I felt a really sharp pain as if "someone was pulling urine out of my penis." This means that my mind was Completely Open to believe any suggestion that I heard and this is why I was believing The Satanic Lies I was hearing. (I was being Mentally Raped Of My Sanity) And later on during my time at that hospital, I remember hearing a very calm voice that said, " Don't worry, you are in a trance." I don't know if the voice was coming from The Physical World or The Spirit World but it was the truth. I didn't want to believe this but I had to add these very critical details much later, during my revisions after the first draft, as I reflected deeper about what is going on down here and as I learn more about Spiritual Warfare. Our enemy, Satan / The Devil, knows a whole lot about The Human Mind and how it works and I know from my First Hand Experience that he has the ability to put us in A Trance / Spell / Altered State Of Consciousness. This was The Lord allowing me to go "Behind Enemy Lines Mentally" in This Invisible Spiritual War which explains all of The Mental Problems that people have that are made worse by drugs. I've been there and experienced that. (It is living in mental torment.)
When I put it all together and realized that "This Mental Torment is just all in my head and My Perception Of Reality is being very distorted." So I finally stopped believing Satan's lies, and I also realized that I had to let go from fighting this Mental / Spiritual Battle myself and let the Lord Jesus Christ fight it for me because I was exhausted. And shortly after this realization, I went to sleep and woke up with A Sound Mind. They kept asking me if I felt suicidal during my three days at that Mental Hospital which was NEVER THE CASE; The Holy Spirit had my will to live way too strong to even begin to almost think about suicide! I knew my Mental Credit Rating was shot with my family (they should be scared of me and not trust my Sanity / Mental Stability anymore) and I left the hospital to a place of my own.
I lived with my mother and sister at the time. About two weeks before this incident happened, my only younger brother--who had been suffering from mental problems for ten years--had been "put out of the house," in a police car, to be committed to a long term Mental Care Facility. He had really "lost his Mind / Sanity" something serious. And looking back, I noticed that my oldest brother (eleven years older) had Ordered / Asked me to move into his house, (from my Grandmother's house) very shortly after my mother and little brother had moved in, (right after my father died of lung cancer) to "protect my mother from him" because he was very mentally unstable from battling demons for a long time. Satan had said this to me, through my little brother in A Very Demonic Voice, "I'm coming against you." And I noticed that shortly after my little brother left the house because of demons, I left the house because of demons. My sister also told me that my oldest brother "wanted to kill me" because of "The Phone Snatching Incident" with my mother. Like I said above, my family has a history of mental problems which are caused by demons (Luke 8:27) and I grew up in an environment of "These Extreme Type Of Emotional Reactions" all the time which are caused by Evil Spirits. I have had very minimal interactions with my family since I left my mother's house; those who knew her well describe her as having some "Funny Ways" which is just a euphemism for Evil. I knew that it is best to avoid evil people period and find new family. (Matthew 12:50)
I clearly understood what was going on after that, and what God meant that night when I spoke in my sleep to my best friend. I prepared myself for the next battle, which I knew was coming, by constantly studying and memorizing Holy Bible Scriptures. And in June of 1998, as soon as the next Spiritual Attack On My Sanity began, I very easily defeated Satan's next Assault Of Lies Through The Air (Ephesians 2:2) with The Word of God, Matthew 10:28, just like Jesus Christ did when he was on this earth in the flesh and I was baptized with fire the very next month. (see Matthew 3:11 and Luke 3:16) I felt the fire of God moving throughout my whole body for three nights in a row, I couldn't sleep a wink, and I never yawned or felt the least bit drowsy during those three days. (see Deuteronomy 4:24 and Hebrews 12:29) I also resolved to never by another Holy Bible that is not Red Letter Edition because they have The Blood Of Jesus in red. From this experience, I learned that I was like a very young child trying to help my parents (like all children do) and I was just in the way; I had to get out of the way and let The Holy Spirit Of God come through me to fight Satan/Evil. (Failure To Yield in a Dodge Neon means: Get out of the way and let The Lord Jesus Christ / The Word Of God fight Satan through you.) I didn't have a problem dealing with Satan since then; after experiencing the power of God's Word over him like I did, he became very irrelevant; so I thought.
Still Deceived
I have been through a whole lot spiritually and I have experienced the Lord's protection and discipline (Hebrews 12:5-11) first hand. Since 1990, The Anointing Energy of The Lord's Presence activates, from my head down to my body, whenever I get scared or in the presence of evil spirits (among other times) to let me know I'm being protected. Therefore, after experiencing years of this, I don't get scared anymore, not because I'm super brave or anything, but because of my knowledge and personal experience. The Anointing Energy activating inside of me when I am in the presence of An Active Evil Spirit is The Spiritual Gift of "Distinguishing Between Spirits" in 1 Corinthians 12:10 (1984 NIV) or "Discerning Of Spirits" (NKJV). I feel a second Presence of God in my mind at different times since being baptized with fire, especially when I write these posts. Like most Spiritual Gifts, I have no control over God's Power in me. Having developed the ability to deeply understand whatever I focused my mind on, developed as a childhood coping mechanism, I thought I had it all figured out when I started learning Spiritual Truths that I though I had the right to just beat people over the head with.
I was very wrong and deceived. I've learned that no matter how true, honest, and factual something is, if you are severely hurting people emotionally, with when or how you deliver the truth, then you are not acting in love. I knew this but I couldn't execute it properly because my judgement was and still is impaired, and it probably will be so until I leave this body because nobody is perfect in the flesh. I couldn't see my actions clearly enough to see that my emotional pain from childhood was still manifesting itself--a very blunt, harsh delivery was all I knew and became comfortable with. The Lord told me shortly before I got married that I had a "calloused heart" from my childhood experiences that I had been working on the best I could; even so, my version of being soft and gentle was still too hard emotionally. I see that He put my precious wife into my life to help heal my emotional damage from childhood and I still have a lot of personal work to do. I just had a major breakthrough from therapy with my wife about two weeks ago (therapists are just expensive friends) which shook my foundations when I realized how much damage I was doing to people's psyche by being sweet, funny, insightful and sometimes emotionally dagger-like all at the same time, which is a cruel invalidation. I have no calling to or interest in pastoring a congregation but I will always have to deal with people. All whom I have unknowingly offended terribly with this impaired judgement, please forgive me. We are all being set up by evil spirits for failure which is what this post is about.
Suspicious Behavior
God / Love flows through people and produces humility and loving behavior so we can build very loving relationships with others; this gradually produces Collective Functionality which is what The Kingdom Of Heaven is about, a Global Family Reunion with everyone in a Garden Of Eden state of mind. If you go back far enough, we all are related but do we live as such a family? It's because the airways are polluted with the insanity I was attacked with. Evil opposes love and destroys relationships by using the main warfare tactic of: Divide and Conquer which is the same as Cutoff From Others and Destroy or Cutoff From The Source and Destroy when things are functioning as a system.
I went back to the previous post and highlighted in purple the phrase, "organized physical scenes" because I didn't realize its importance before I had a breakthrough. Just like who you choose to hang around with, your normal physical environment is a reflection of your mindset. We all feel and function much better when things are clean and organized and people usually know to be careful in orderliness. (1 Corinthians 14:40) Monitoring your behavior, following clean as you go, in your home is very important. It's the same amount of work, and just a matter of how much you let pile up by not noticing. Watching yourself and others and noticing our impact on our physical environment is the beginning of and training for combating ignorance and laziness, which we all naturally have. Children can be taught to notice their physical impact on an environment before they are old enough to understand their mental impact, and it's a foundation for behavior monitoring of the self and others.
Good relationships require good and effective communication. Telling lies or believing in lies prevents true communication from happening and false communication does not change things, it equals non-communication. You can call them personal issues, hang-ups, character flaws, demons or whatever but it all the same thing. You hear it all the time, "that's crazy, it doesn't make sense, what was he / she thinking, common sense is not that common anymore, etc.." Those phrases are uttered when people notice impaired judgement because there is subtle and not so subtle insanity in the air:
Clean Spirit = Good Spirit / Sound Judgement / Rational
Unclean Spirit = Evil Spirit / Unsound Judgement / Irrational
Rational Irrational
Good / of the Spirit Evil / of the Flesh
Get the picture?
Everybody needs to watch themselves and others because like The Lord Jesus Christ said:
The Mental Tests happened after the second or third time that I "remember being conscious." The first time, I remember waking up on a bed and a man wearing blue Medical Clothing/Scrubs was testing me "to see if I was in A Trance." He didn't actually say this but I coherent enough to tell what he was doing by what he said and did. I realized that what he said to me "did not make rational sense at all." He said, "I'm going to pull some urine from your penis with my fingers." and I knew that did not sound right and it should be impossible to do. And this is how I knew, even then, that I was in A Very Deep Trance from My Demonic Attack And Possession because (even though I couldn't see him doing this, I only felt it) when he put his two pinched together fingers at the tip of my penis and pulled them away from it, I felt a really sharp pain as if "someone was pulling urine out of my penis." This means that my mind was Completely Open to believe any suggestion that I heard and this is why I was believing The Satanic Lies I was hearing. (I was being Mentally Raped Of My Sanity) And later on during my time at that hospital, I remember hearing a very calm voice that said, " Don't worry, you are in a trance." I don't know if the voice was coming from The Physical World or The Spirit World but it was the truth. I didn't want to believe this but I had to add these very critical details much later, during my revisions after the first draft, as I reflected deeper about what is going on down here and as I learn more about Spiritual Warfare. Our enemy, Satan / The Devil, knows a whole lot about The Human Mind and how it works and I know from my First Hand Experience that he has the ability to put us in A Trance / Spell / Altered State Of Consciousness. This was The Lord allowing me to go "Behind Enemy Lines Mentally" in This Invisible Spiritual War which explains all of The Mental Problems that people have that are made worse by drugs. I've been there and experienced that. (It is living in mental torment.)
When I put it all together and realized that "This Mental Torment is just all in my head and My Perception Of Reality is being very distorted." So I finally stopped believing Satan's lies, and I also realized that I had to let go from fighting this Mental / Spiritual Battle myself and let the Lord Jesus Christ fight it for me because I was exhausted. And shortly after this realization, I went to sleep and woke up with A Sound Mind. They kept asking me if I felt suicidal during my three days at that Mental Hospital which was NEVER THE CASE; The Holy Spirit had my will to live way too strong to even begin to almost think about suicide! I knew my Mental Credit Rating was shot with my family (they should be scared of me and not trust my Sanity / Mental Stability anymore) and I left the hospital to a place of my own.
I lived with my mother and sister at the time. About two weeks before this incident happened, my only younger brother--who had been suffering from mental problems for ten years--had been "put out of the house," in a police car, to be committed to a long term Mental Care Facility. He had really "lost his Mind / Sanity" something serious. And looking back, I noticed that my oldest brother (eleven years older) had Ordered / Asked me to move into his house, (from my Grandmother's house) very shortly after my mother and little brother had moved in, (right after my father died of lung cancer) to "protect my mother from him" because he was very mentally unstable from battling demons for a long time. Satan had said this to me, through my little brother in A Very Demonic Voice, "I'm coming against you." And I noticed that shortly after my little brother left the house because of demons, I left the house because of demons. My sister also told me that my oldest brother "wanted to kill me" because of "The Phone Snatching Incident" with my mother. Like I said above, my family has a history of mental problems which are caused by demons (Luke 8:27) and I grew up in an environment of "These Extreme Type Of Emotional Reactions" all the time which are caused by Evil Spirits. I have had very minimal interactions with my family since I left my mother's house; those who knew her well describe her as having some "Funny Ways" which is just a euphemism for Evil. I knew that it is best to avoid evil people period and find new family. (Matthew 12:50)
I clearly understood what was going on after that, and what God meant that night when I spoke in my sleep to my best friend. I prepared myself for the next battle, which I knew was coming, by constantly studying and memorizing Holy Bible Scriptures. And in June of 1998, as soon as the next Spiritual Attack On My Sanity began, I very easily defeated Satan's next Assault Of Lies Through The Air (Ephesians 2:2) with The Word of God, Matthew 10:28, just like Jesus Christ did when he was on this earth in the flesh and I was baptized with fire the very next month. (see Matthew 3:11 and Luke 3:16) I felt the fire of God moving throughout my whole body for three nights in a row, I couldn't sleep a wink, and I never yawned or felt the least bit drowsy during those three days. (see Deuteronomy 4:24 and Hebrews 12:29) I also resolved to never by another Holy Bible that is not Red Letter Edition because they have The Blood Of Jesus in red. From this experience, I learned that I was like a very young child trying to help my parents (like all children do) and I was just in the way; I had to get out of the way and let The Holy Spirit Of God come through me to fight Satan/Evil. (Failure To Yield in a Dodge Neon means: Get out of the way and let The Lord Jesus Christ / The Word Of God fight Satan through you.) I didn't have a problem dealing with Satan since then; after experiencing the power of God's Word over him like I did, he became very irrelevant; so I thought.
Still Deceived
I have been through a whole lot spiritually and I have experienced the Lord's protection and discipline (Hebrews 12:5-11) first hand. Since 1990, The Anointing Energy of The Lord's Presence activates, from my head down to my body, whenever I get scared or in the presence of evil spirits (among other times) to let me know I'm being protected. Therefore, after experiencing years of this, I don't get scared anymore, not because I'm super brave or anything, but because of my knowledge and personal experience. The Anointing Energy activating inside of me when I am in the presence of An Active Evil Spirit is The Spiritual Gift of "Distinguishing Between Spirits" in 1 Corinthians 12:10 (1984 NIV) or "Discerning Of Spirits" (NKJV). I feel a second Presence of God in my mind at different times since being baptized with fire, especially when I write these posts. Like most Spiritual Gifts, I have no control over God's Power in me. Having developed the ability to deeply understand whatever I focused my mind on, developed as a childhood coping mechanism, I thought I had it all figured out when I started learning Spiritual Truths that I though I had the right to just beat people over the head with.
I was very wrong and deceived. I've learned that no matter how true, honest, and factual something is, if you are severely hurting people emotionally, with when or how you deliver the truth, then you are not acting in love. I knew this but I couldn't execute it properly because my judgement was and still is impaired, and it probably will be so until I leave this body because nobody is perfect in the flesh. I couldn't see my actions clearly enough to see that my emotional pain from childhood was still manifesting itself--a very blunt, harsh delivery was all I knew and became comfortable with. The Lord told me shortly before I got married that I had a "calloused heart" from my childhood experiences that I had been working on the best I could; even so, my version of being soft and gentle was still too hard emotionally. I see that He put my precious wife into my life to help heal my emotional damage from childhood and I still have a lot of personal work to do. I just had a major breakthrough from therapy with my wife about two weeks ago (therapists are just expensive friends) which shook my foundations when I realized how much damage I was doing to people's psyche by being sweet, funny, insightful and sometimes emotionally dagger-like all at the same time, which is a cruel invalidation. I have no calling to or interest in pastoring a congregation but I will always have to deal with people. All whom I have unknowingly offended terribly with this impaired judgement, please forgive me. We are all being set up by evil spirits for failure which is what this post is about.
Suspicious Behavior
God / Love flows through people and produces humility and loving behavior so we can build very loving relationships with others; this gradually produces Collective Functionality which is what The Kingdom Of Heaven is about, a Global Family Reunion with everyone in a Garden Of Eden state of mind. If you go back far enough, we all are related but do we live as such a family? It's because the airways are polluted with the insanity I was attacked with. Evil opposes love and destroys relationships by using the main warfare tactic of: Divide and Conquer which is the same as Cutoff From Others and Destroy or Cutoff From The Source and Destroy when things are functioning as a system.
I went back to the previous post and highlighted in purple the phrase, "organized physical scenes" because I didn't realize its importance before I had a breakthrough. Just like who you choose to hang around with, your normal physical environment is a reflection of your mindset. We all feel and function much better when things are clean and organized and people usually know to be careful in orderliness. (1 Corinthians 14:40) Monitoring your behavior, following clean as you go, in your home is very important. It's the same amount of work, and just a matter of how much you let pile up by not noticing. Watching yourself and others and noticing our impact on our physical environment is the beginning of and training for combating ignorance and laziness, which we all naturally have. Children can be taught to notice their physical impact on an environment before they are old enough to understand their mental impact, and it's a foundation for behavior monitoring of the self and others.
Good relationships require good and effective communication. Telling lies or believing in lies prevents true communication from happening and false communication does not change things, it equals non-communication. You can call them personal issues, hang-ups, character flaws, demons or whatever but it all the same thing. You hear it all the time, "that's crazy, it doesn't make sense, what was he / she thinking, common sense is not that common anymore, etc.." Those phrases are uttered when people notice impaired judgement because there is subtle and not so subtle insanity in the air:
Clean Spirit = Good Spirit / Sound Judgement / Rational
Unclean Spirit = Evil Spirit / Unsound Judgement / Irrational
Rational Irrational
Good / of the Spirit Evil / of the Flesh
Organized / Clear Mind Disorganized / Confused Mind
Organized Environment Disorganized Environment
Order Chaos
Reality / Truth Based False Reality / Lie Based
Very Loving / Social Unloving / Anti-social
Functional Dysfunctional
Very Communicative / Connected Non-communicative / Disconnected
Always Teaching / Coaching Selfish / Seeks Competitive Advantage
Alert / Observant / Aware Ignorant / Blind / Unaware
Initiates Contact / Communication Avoids Contact / Communication
Builds Relationships Destroys Relationships
Positive Attitude / Giving / Selfless Negative Attitude / Taking / Selfish
Hard Working / Energized Lazy / Listless
Enlightens / Explains / Clarifies Darkens / Mystifies / Confuses
Open / Light / Outgoing Closed / Darkness / Withdrawn
Powerful / Heals / Helps Weak / Injures / Hurts
Intelligent / Genius Nonsense / No Common Sense
Humble / Meek / Grateful / Polite Proud / Arrogant / Ungrateful / Rude
Servant / Selfless Superior / Selfish
Love / Joy / Peace Fear / Anger / War
Happy / Health / Life Depression / Sickness / Death
Everybody needs to watch themselves and others because like The Lord Jesus Christ said:
